The last few months have been crazy, having gone through major surgery, being officially diagnosed, then just recently moving across the country to head back to university after taking a semester off. I made some really amazing new friends back at home though, and became far closer with my dad.

I was feeling super overwhelmed the past few days, trying to figure out finances, living with a roommate for the first time, and getting school started. But today was good, initially. I saw some friends and felt so normal for a minute I almost doubted my diagnosis, then I went to the library and was making serious headway on my readings for school. Normally I leave my stuff when I go to the bathroom, but I wanted to be more responsible(a big thing for me), so I took my phone, laptop, wallet, and journal with me.

So of course they all ended up falling right in the toilet when I stood up clumsily. Now I'm across the country from my parents, paying for new electronics on credit that I can't really afford to pay back, because I need them for school, and I feel so defeated.

Sometimes I can embrace my inattentive ADHD and executive dysfunction that makes ASD even harder, chalking it up to a quirky personality. Usually, it only results in silly errors that I can laugh off with friends. I've broken and lost too many things over the years though and this just cuts so deep. The last six months of my life have been really special, and I'm so, so sad that all my photos are gone. Literally eight hours ago I was thinking to myself "felineprotector, update your icloud, you know you break things and you'll be sad" and then boom, I did it.

Right now I'm on a library computer, feeling so numb I can't even cry or be sad.

This blows.